Script by Arthur Wyatt, © Arthur Wyatt 2002
Panel 1: Large panel. A large, human size chicken is struck down by a speeding car in the middle of the road.
Caption: THE CHICKEN STEPPED OUT INTO A BUSY ROAD ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE CITY AT RUSH HOUR, ENDING HIS CELEBRITY CAREER.
Panel 2: The Chicken lies in the road, in front of the car that him. A crows of onlookers ave gavered round, visibly shocked:
Onlooker: OH MY GOD... WHY? WHY?
Panel 3: Close up of the giant chickens head. He's in a bad way: There's blood trickling from the side of his beak onto the tarmac.
The Chicken: TO GET TO.... THE OTHER SIDE...
Panel 4: The editors desk at Newsfeed Incorporated. We're looking at the from our narrators point of view (its important that we don't actually see the narrator till the last panel). The editor is a sweaty, repulsive man smoking a big fat cigar. He's sliding a big fat file across the desk labelled "The Chicken".
Caption: AS SOON AS I HEARD ABOUT IT I KNEW MY EDITOR WOULD ASSIGN ME THE STORY.
Editor: THE FIRST INTELLIGENT GM FARM ANIMAL DIES AND WHAT HAVE WE GOT? JUST FACTS!
(link) WE NEED MORE THAN THAT. WHAT DROVE HIM, WHAT DID HIS LAST WORDS MEAN? I WANT YOU TO GET THE, uh, HUMAN STORY.
Page 2:
Panel 1: Large Panel. We're in the office of Professor Hans Zipple. The professor stands in the middle of the room, he has horn-rimed spectacles and a neat moustache. He's dressed in a slightly outdated manner, almost Edwardian. His Psychiatrists couch is visible behind him.
Caption: MY FIRST STOP WAS HANS ZIPPLE, THE CHICKENS PSYCHIATRIST.
Professor: IT IS A GOOD JOB HE WAS NOT A DUCK, OTHERWISE YOU WOULD BE CALLING ME A QUACK, NIEN?
Panel 2: Head and shoulders of the Professor.
Professor: BUT AS FOR THE CHICKEN, THERE IS VERY LITTLE I CAN TELL YOU.
(link): A MANS INTELLIGENCE HE HAD, BUT I'M AFRAID A VERY SHALLOW MAN...
Panel 3: Flashback. We see the chicken on the couch, talking to the professor. Perhaps we see the professor standing over him jotting down notes on a pad.
Caption: HE ONLY CARED ABUT MATERIAL THINGS, ME HE ONLY SAW TO GIVE THE IMPRESSION THERE WAS MORE SUBSTANCE TO HIM.
Chicken: FAST CARS, FATS MONEY, FAST WOMEN, WHAT ELSE IS THERE DUDE?
Panel 4: The professor again, a dark look on his face.
Caption: PERHAPS THIS COVERED AN INNER VOID. A YEARNING TO SEE WHAT WAS BEYOND THE EXOTERIC WORLD. THE "OTHER SIDE" AS YOU MIGHT BE PUTTING IT."
Panel 5: A neon sign for a bar on a rainy street. It reads "CLUB LE CHIC".
Freida (offpanel down): SUICIDE BROUGHT ON BY EXISTENTIAL ANGST? THE PROFESSOR IS FULL OF SHIT.
Panel 6: Head and shoulders of Freida Epfield as she takes a drag on a cigarette. She's in her late twenties, dark hair in a somewhat forties style, bright red lipstick. Her whole look is somewhat noir-ish. In front of her is a classy cocktail drink, a martini perhaps.
Caption: FREIDA EPFIELD, THE CHICKENS EX-GIRLFREIND.
Freida: LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. HE DUMPED ME WHEN I WANTED US TO BUY A FLAT TOGETHER
Panel 7: Flashback. The chicken is on the dance floor, Travolta-style, surrounded by several young ladies.
Caption: "HE SAID I WAS GETTING BROODY, THAT HE HAD THE REST OF HIS LIFE TO LIVE BEFORE HE SETTLED DOWN, AND THAT THERE WERE PLENTY MORE CHICKS OUT THERE."
Page 3:
Panel 1: Head and shoulders of a 1970s style punk, complete with Mohican and a rubber chicken stapled to his shoulder.
Punk: WHY'D HE CROSS THE ROAD? 'COS HE WAS STAPLED TO A PUNK! HA HA HA!
Panel 2: The punk walks off into the distance, pausing only to flick the Vs at us.
Caption: I'VE NO IDEA WHY I TALKED TO THAT GUY.
Panel 3: Head and shoulders of a hippy, complete with long hair and granny glasses.
Caption: DOUG MOOCHER, ANIMAL RIGHTS PROTESTOR, MET THE CHICKEN DURING THE MEAT RIOTS.
Hippy: OH YEAH MAN, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE MEANT.
Panel 4: Large panel. Flashback: We're seeing a large group of hippy protesters. They have banners like "MEAT IS MURDER" and "WOULD YOU EAT THE CHICKEN?". They're dancing around a bonfire of burning meat products - packages of sausages and the like. At the head of the group is a younger Doug Moocher.
Caption: "YOU SEE, THE CHICKEN PRETTY MUCH FINISHED OFF THE MEAT INDUSTRY. NO ONE COULD BEAR TO EAT MEAT AFTER THEY'D MET HIM. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE OTHER ANIMALS GOT SMART AS WELL."
Caption: "OH YES. THE FARMERS SOWED THE SEEDS OF THEIR OWN DESTRUCTION WHEN THEY MESSED WITH ANIMAL GENETICS."
Panel 5: Large panel. The Chicken walks past a group of protestors, wearing a leather jacket and with a woman hanging off each arm. He clearly has no time for them. The young Doug looks pretty dejected.
Chicken: LATER, LOSERS.
Caption: "BUT HE WAS NEVER ONE OF US, HE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE MOVEMENT, HE NEVER ACTIVELY PARTICIPATED IN ANY RALLIES. I RECKON THAT WHAT HE WAS SAYING WAS THAT HE WAS ABOUT TO COME OVER TO OUR SIDE."
Panel 6: The hippy exhales long and hard after taking a toke on a very large joint.
Hippy: OF COURSE THE GOVERNMENT MUST HAVE GOTTEN WIND OF IT AND... SPLAT! THAT CAR WAS DRIVEN BY A GOVERNMENT HITMAN!
Page 4:
Panel 1: We're in the office of Bob Yucks, a nervous, slightly balding man. Behind him we see an old fashioned typewriter on a desk.
Caption: BOB YUCKS, AUTHOR OF THE CHICKENS BIOGRAPHY
Bob: IT WAS GOING TO BE HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY, BUT CHICKENS CAN'T TYPE.
Panel 2: Bob is offering the narrator a sheet of typed paper. We can see the title: "CITIZEN COCK ", and then a little way under that a subheading: "YOU'LL BELIEVE A CHICKEN CAN THINK"
Bob: BUT SERIOUSLY, I CAN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING THAT ISN'T IN THE PRESS RELEASE TILL THE BOOK IS PUBLISHED.
(link)IT'S CONTRACTUAL.
Panel 3: Large panel. Its late a night an we're looking at the road where the chicken died. A few strands of "POLICE LINE - DO NOT CROSS" tape flap lonely around a coned off area where we see the chalk outline of the chicken. Across the road we can see the outline of a gloomy looking industrial building. We can see a chain-link fence around it and a sign.
Caption: NONE OF THE STORIES ADDED UP. AND SO I FOUND MYSELF DRAWN BACK TO THE SCENE OF THE ACCIDENT
Panel 4: From the Narrators POV. We see the narrators gloved hand reach out and wipe dust from the sign: "FARM-TECH BIOENGENEERING". The narrator's glove is slightly odd: kind of like a glove, but split in the middle, so that the fingers are joined together in pairs.
Caption: PERHAPS THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE THAT EVERYBODY WAS MISSING. SOMETHING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD...
Panel 5: We're inside the building. Its very dark, and there are chains hanging from the ceiling. There's a light at the end of the corridor, and we can see a silhouette there.
Narrator (from offpanel): HELLO? I'M FROM NEWSFEED INCORPORATED. I'D LIKE TO ASK A FEW QUESTIONS ABOUT THE CHICKEN.
Panel 6: The silhouetted figure is revealed to be a hideously scarred man in a set of white overalls. Behind him we can see some of the chains dangling: They're butchers hooks.
Scarred man: WHY YES. I SUPPOSED YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW WHY HE CROSSED THE ROAD?
Page 5:
Panel 1: We're inside the room where the scarred man is now, and we can see that its a slaughter house. He wanders over to a rack of cleavers and picks one up.
Scarred man: YOU SEE, WE NEVER REALLY INTENDED TO MAKE THE ANIMALS SMART - THAT WAS JUST A BY PRODUCT. WHAT WE REALLY WANTED WAS SOME LEVEL OF SELF SUFFICIENCY.
Panel 2: The scarred man grins as he runs his finger over the blade of the cleaver. His grin says: Oh yes, its nice and sharp.
Scarred man: THE OTHER THING WE BUILT IN WAS A HOMING INSTINCT, SO THAT WHEN ANIMALS WERE NICE AND PLUMP AND READY THEY WOULD COME BACK HERE...
Panel 3: Large panel. We finally get to see our narrator: He's a sheep, standing on his hind legs and wearing a trench coat, as well as a hat with a press ticket in the brim. He looks on in terror as the shadow of the scarred man looms over him, cleaver at the ready!
Scarred man (Offpanel): ...LIKE LAMBS TO THE SLAUGHTER!
END
Caption: THE CHICKEN STEPPED OUT INTO A BUSY ROAD ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE CITY AT RUSH HOUR, ENDING HIS CELEBRITY CAREER.
Panel 2: The Chicken lies in the road, in front of the car that him. A crows of onlookers ave gavered round, visibly shocked:
Onlooker: OH MY GOD... WHY? WHY?
Panel 3: Close up of the giant chickens head. He's in a bad way: There's blood trickling from the side of his beak onto the tarmac.
The Chicken: TO GET TO.... THE OTHER SIDE...
Panel 4: The editors desk at Newsfeed Incorporated. We're looking at the from our narrators point of view (its important that we don't actually see the narrator till the last panel). The editor is a sweaty, repulsive man smoking a big fat cigar. He's sliding a big fat file across the desk labelled "The Chicken".
Caption: AS SOON AS I HEARD ABOUT IT I KNEW MY EDITOR WOULD ASSIGN ME THE STORY.
Editor: THE FIRST INTELLIGENT GM FARM ANIMAL DIES AND WHAT HAVE WE GOT? JUST FACTS!
(link) WE NEED MORE THAN THAT. WHAT DROVE HIM, WHAT DID HIS LAST WORDS MEAN? I WANT YOU TO GET THE, uh, HUMAN STORY.
Page 2:
Panel 1: Large Panel. We're in the office of Professor Hans Zipple. The professor stands in the middle of the room, he has horn-rimed spectacles and a neat moustache. He's dressed in a slightly outdated manner, almost Edwardian. His Psychiatrists couch is visible behind him.
Caption: MY FIRST STOP WAS HANS ZIPPLE, THE CHICKENS PSYCHIATRIST.
Professor: IT IS A GOOD JOB HE WAS NOT A DUCK, OTHERWISE YOU WOULD BE CALLING ME A QUACK, NIEN?
Panel 2: Head and shoulders of the Professor.
Professor: BUT AS FOR THE CHICKEN, THERE IS VERY LITTLE I CAN TELL YOU.
(link): A MANS INTELLIGENCE HE HAD, BUT I'M AFRAID A VERY SHALLOW MAN...
Panel 3: Flashback. We see the chicken on the couch, talking to the professor. Perhaps we see the professor standing over him jotting down notes on a pad.
Caption: HE ONLY CARED ABUT MATERIAL THINGS, ME HE ONLY SAW TO GIVE THE IMPRESSION THERE WAS MORE SUBSTANCE TO HIM.
Chicken: FAST CARS, FATS MONEY, FAST WOMEN, WHAT ELSE IS THERE DUDE?
Panel 4: The professor again, a dark look on his face.
Caption: PERHAPS THIS COVERED AN INNER VOID. A YEARNING TO SEE WHAT WAS BEYOND THE EXOTERIC WORLD. THE "OTHER SIDE" AS YOU MIGHT BE PUTTING IT."
Panel 5: A neon sign for a bar on a rainy street. It reads "CLUB LE CHIC".
Freida (offpanel down): SUICIDE BROUGHT ON BY EXISTENTIAL ANGST? THE PROFESSOR IS FULL OF SHIT.
Panel 6: Head and shoulders of Freida Epfield as she takes a drag on a cigarette. She's in her late twenties, dark hair in a somewhat forties style, bright red lipstick. Her whole look is somewhat noir-ish. In front of her is a classy cocktail drink, a martini perhaps.
Caption: FREIDA EPFIELD, THE CHICKENS EX-GIRLFREIND.
Freida: LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. HE DUMPED ME WHEN I WANTED US TO BUY A FLAT TOGETHER
Panel 7: Flashback. The chicken is on the dance floor, Travolta-style, surrounded by several young ladies.
Caption: "HE SAID I WAS GETTING BROODY, THAT HE HAD THE REST OF HIS LIFE TO LIVE BEFORE HE SETTLED DOWN, AND THAT THERE WERE PLENTY MORE CHICKS OUT THERE."
Page 3:
Panel 1: Head and shoulders of a 1970s style punk, complete with Mohican and a rubber chicken stapled to his shoulder.
Punk: WHY'D HE CROSS THE ROAD? 'COS HE WAS STAPLED TO A PUNK! HA HA HA!
Panel 2: The punk walks off into the distance, pausing only to flick the Vs at us.
Caption: I'VE NO IDEA WHY I TALKED TO THAT GUY.
Panel 3: Head and shoulders of a hippy, complete with long hair and granny glasses.
Caption: DOUG MOOCHER, ANIMAL RIGHTS PROTESTOR, MET THE CHICKEN DURING THE MEAT RIOTS.
Hippy: OH YEAH MAN, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE MEANT.
Panel 4: Large panel. Flashback: We're seeing a large group of hippy protesters. They have banners like "MEAT IS MURDER" and "WOULD YOU EAT THE CHICKEN?". They're dancing around a bonfire of burning meat products - packages of sausages and the like. At the head of the group is a younger Doug Moocher.
Caption: "YOU SEE, THE CHICKEN PRETTY MUCH FINISHED OFF THE MEAT INDUSTRY. NO ONE COULD BEAR TO EAT MEAT AFTER THEY'D MET HIM. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE OTHER ANIMALS GOT SMART AS WELL."
Caption: "OH YES. THE FARMERS SOWED THE SEEDS OF THEIR OWN DESTRUCTION WHEN THEY MESSED WITH ANIMAL GENETICS."
Panel 5: Large panel. The Chicken walks past a group of protestors, wearing a leather jacket and with a woman hanging off each arm. He clearly has no time for them. The young Doug looks pretty dejected.
Chicken: LATER, LOSERS.
Caption: "BUT HE WAS NEVER ONE OF US, HE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE MOVEMENT, HE NEVER ACTIVELY PARTICIPATED IN ANY RALLIES. I RECKON THAT WHAT HE WAS SAYING WAS THAT HE WAS ABOUT TO COME OVER TO OUR SIDE."
Panel 6: The hippy exhales long and hard after taking a toke on a very large joint.
Hippy: OF COURSE THE GOVERNMENT MUST HAVE GOTTEN WIND OF IT AND... SPLAT! THAT CAR WAS DRIVEN BY A GOVERNMENT HITMAN!
Page 4:
Panel 1: We're in the office of Bob Yucks, a nervous, slightly balding man. Behind him we see an old fashioned typewriter on a desk.
Caption: BOB YUCKS, AUTHOR OF THE CHICKENS BIOGRAPHY
Bob: IT WAS GOING TO BE HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY, BUT CHICKENS CAN'T TYPE.
Panel 2: Bob is offering the narrator a sheet of typed paper. We can see the title: "CITIZEN COCK ", and then a little way under that a subheading: "YOU'LL BELIEVE A CHICKEN CAN THINK"
Bob: BUT SERIOUSLY, I CAN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING THAT ISN'T IN THE PRESS RELEASE TILL THE BOOK IS PUBLISHED.
(link)IT'S CONTRACTUAL.
Panel 3: Large panel. Its late a night an we're looking at the road where the chicken died. A few strands of "POLICE LINE - DO NOT CROSS" tape flap lonely around a coned off area where we see the chalk outline of the chicken. Across the road we can see the outline of a gloomy looking industrial building. We can see a chain-link fence around it and a sign.
Caption: NONE OF THE STORIES ADDED UP. AND SO I FOUND MYSELF DRAWN BACK TO THE SCENE OF THE ACCIDENT
Panel 4: From the Narrators POV. We see the narrators gloved hand reach out and wipe dust from the sign: "FARM-TECH BIOENGENEERING". The narrator's glove is slightly odd: kind of like a glove, but split in the middle, so that the fingers are joined together in pairs.
Caption: PERHAPS THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE THAT EVERYBODY WAS MISSING. SOMETHING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD...
Panel 5: We're inside the building. Its very dark, and there are chains hanging from the ceiling. There's a light at the end of the corridor, and we can see a silhouette there.
Narrator (from offpanel): HELLO? I'M FROM NEWSFEED INCORPORATED. I'D LIKE TO ASK A FEW QUESTIONS ABOUT THE CHICKEN.
Panel 6: The silhouetted figure is revealed to be a hideously scarred man in a set of white overalls. Behind him we can see some of the chains dangling: They're butchers hooks.
Scarred man: WHY YES. I SUPPOSED YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW WHY HE CROSSED THE ROAD?
Page 5:
Panel 1: We're inside the room where the scarred man is now, and we can see that its a slaughter house. He wanders over to a rack of cleavers and picks one up.
Scarred man: YOU SEE, WE NEVER REALLY INTENDED TO MAKE THE ANIMALS SMART - THAT WAS JUST A BY PRODUCT. WHAT WE REALLY WANTED WAS SOME LEVEL OF SELF SUFFICIENCY.
Panel 2: The scarred man grins as he runs his finger over the blade of the cleaver. His grin says: Oh yes, its nice and sharp.
Scarred man: THE OTHER THING WE BUILT IN WAS A HOMING INSTINCT, SO THAT WHEN ANIMALS WERE NICE AND PLUMP AND READY THEY WOULD COME BACK HERE...
Panel 3: Large panel. We finally get to see our narrator: He's a sheep, standing on his hind legs and wearing a trench coat, as well as a hat with a press ticket in the brim. He looks on in terror as the shadow of the scarred man looms over him, cleaver at the ready!
Scarred man (Offpanel): ...LIKE LAMBS TO THE SLAUGHTER!
END